welcome to the danger zone

Posts tagged “joy

Patience My Pretties, I’ll Be Back.

Never fear, I haven’t abandoned you. I have tales to tell – it’s just been a bit of celebration and whirlwind of things happening since the pufferfish was deflated again and I was enjoying the last six painless weeks, with nary the need for pain medication. That said, I’m a tad down at the moment, and needed to write the following, and though I thought I’d keep it private, hell, why not share, I mean, you’re already familiar with my former uterus.

Stay with me dear ones, I will be back to keep you spellbound with happier tales than what follows. But today, I am sad.

Joey,

I can’t remember the last time I wrote you one of these letters that I couldn’t send if I wanted to, but the sadness that lingers at the end of summer when the days are perfect but growing shorter reminds me of you. And it may be coincidence, but I keep seeing things that remind me you’re gone but still hanging around, if that makes any sense at all. I miss you. I miss having one person who knew the darkest side of me and one person who understood my innocent joy. I think of what it must have been like in the last moments you were here and if you knew you were about to leave or if you made that choice. Everything changed when you were gone.

It doesn’t seem like there’s a day here when I don’t think about you. And in my mind’s eye, we’re 20-somethings with not a care in the world, scheming, and whether we’d seen each other the day before or months apart, the world was ours when we were together. And in my mind’s eye, I remember every detail of the day it crashed around me.

I wish I could mail this letter to you like I did so many others – tear stained, or gleeful, excited, full of wonder, sharing every detail of my broken hearts and plans for the future – fat envelopes, stuffed and sticker-covered and keeping me connected to you despite thousands of mile and minutes. Stories of new adventures and days I wanted to close my eyes and have it all be over.

I know it’s a matter of time until we find our paths crossing again. I thought it could be in this lifetime, but probably the next. Just know I’ve never forgotten you my friend. And I am still mad you left me, but I understand that it was time for you to go. I just wish I could have one more hour to put my head on your shoulder and cry until you were covered in snot and slobber, and have you take the hurt away for little while. Fucker.

Me

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Look at Me! Look at Me!

Attention whore. That’s right. I don’t feel much like writing today – I think I am headed into the lull period of my bipolar writing syndrome. That’s not to say that I don’t have much much much more to say, just I don’t feel like being a sparkly wit tonight. I had to fight the cold today. My car doesn’t have heated seats. And I had to wear socks. Under boots. Which is like Chinese footbinding to me. So to delight you in a new way (and meet the challenge today of my 30 day blogging challenge) I will embed some of my pinterest collections into this post:

NOTE: I don’t know what happened to the first and best version of this entry…wordpress lost it somewhere and now I am sad. This is a rewrite. I apologize for the diminished sparkle.

First, here are some pretty things to look at. Some pictures feature the artwork of Andrew Goldsworthy. There’s an amazing documentary about his work, which are pieces he creates with items found in nature. They can be very complex and stunning and will make you want to stack rocks in the woods no matter how cold it is tomorrow. My favorite pin in this collection is the llama in the car. It makes me smile.

Madness, Mirth and Mischief

This next one features all the dark creepiness that brings me joy. The things that bring a smile instead of a nightmare – gothic my pretty ponies, clothing from McQueen and Westwood I’ll never afford or wear, dream wedding cakes for the imaginary wedding, and cemeteries. And scary dolls. And more scary dolls. And skulls.

Dark Delights

Finally, more pretty things. Pretty pretty things. Because other things are pretty besides crows and cemeteries shrouded in fog.

My Pretties

And if you want to follow me on Pinterest (and a surprising number of people do, I guess because I don’t scary them away with my psychotic ramblings) go here:

That’s all lovelies. I hope that you enjoyed a visual foray into my brain, and if you ever want to see my collections of cemetery photos, JUST ASK! Be well, have a happy hug it out hump day and stay snuggly my sweetlings.