welcome to the danger zone

Why I haven’t written

Because at three AM when I am walking a rut in the floor because I ran out of oxycodone and I am weeping in pain and can’t smoke enough to sleep. Because I am puking phlegm because I couldn’t eat the last eight hours. Because I am scared. Because I am always alone. Don’t let anyone fool you, you go through this alone hurting all the people you love along the way because they can’t help you. Because everyday I ask myself is this worth it?  Because when all I want is someone to hold me as I cry and puke and wretch and to rub my back til I fall asleep. I don’t write because all I know right now is pain.  Pain with a promise that it will only get worse. 

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