welcome to the danger zone

When The Day Is Just Right

When Andy was 2, I made thanksgiving dinner for just the two of us. I spread a sheet out on the floor in our dining room, I fixed our plates, and cut up his food. We sat together on that sheet and had a thanksgiving picnic which rapidly turned into a food fight. We laughed and laughed squishing cranberry sauce on each other’s head and spitting peas. Somewhere I have pictures of Andy after the food fight – he’s wearing a striped shirt and denim pants. I can still picture every moment of that dinner today.

I cooked Thanksgiving dinner today. The last time I did was in 2011. Since then, I’ve been too sick or depressed or both to do it. I just didn’t have the strength to put the whole show together. I mean, I’ve made a turkey or reasonable facsimile once or twice, and we’ve eaten with other people or gone out. But I did not put out the full spread for four years. So today, we had turkey, ham, kielbasa, homemade handwhipped instant mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, green beans sauteed with bacon, biscuits, stuffing, pineapple-dijon sauce and for dessert – lemon pumpkin crunch cake with real whipped cream. I ate a little, because today is back on the Tamoxifen. It was even almost all ready at one time. It was delicious, no beyond delicious, scrumptious. I’m still picking at what I wasn’t able to eat every now and then because I don’t want to waste it.

That’s not what I will remember most about today – I’ll remember how excited Andy was when he saw how much I really did cook today. Things he’s loved his whole life. And the sheer joy on his face when he was eating, how he went back for seconds, then sat with me watching tv and belching. We haven’t had a lot of those moments in the last few years. I wanted to make it a thanksgiving he would remember – we haven’t even so much as snarled at each other all day – it’s just been a good, happy, satisfying day. We’re still lounging around in pajamas, napping on and off. It’s a good day. A just right day. Every day should be a just right day. But I am grateful for just having this one. More than you can know.

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