welcome to the danger zone

And Whatever You Do, Don’t Feed the Pufferfish After Midnight!

The Countdown begins. I am past my no-more-food cutoff, and just an hour away from no-more-water. All I keep thinking about is that they get in there, find out that my new resident, Pufferfish, or FPF for short, has to come out NOW. As some of you may recall from the Gutting of .’11, they were just gonna take the behemoth tumor out via laser, and that ended with 7 hours of surgery and a hideous scar across my belly full of staples that I wouldn’t even look at for the first week. And who can forget those lap sites from when they went in and then changed their minds and fetched a scalpel instead, that days later spouted like a damn fountain? Good times, good times.

Anyway, of course I’m nervous and dreading the forced smile of whoever gets to tell me the results. It better come with jello, that’s all I have to say. It’s supposed to be in-and-out. My pre-scavenger hunt scan is at 8:30 and the theft of fluid and issue is at 10. I am guessing I’ll be done by noon. And back in bed by 4pm. To sleep the weekend away.

I don’t even think I will get results tomorrow, probably not for another week. I’m working on the positive thing, but I think the whole chemo/radiation thing kind of puts the damper on that. It’s hard to shut off the part of the brain that remembers all of that. Not that I haven’t spent hours trying. But, there are more important things to decide…

What to wear to this event? I thought about pajama pants, because it’s not like I am going to go shopping after I am violated, but there’s that stigma about wearing them in public and I really don’t have any slipper that go with them – I don’t even really want to wear shoes, but that whole sub-zero temperature thing is working against that. I mean, I don’t want to be there for both the amputation of frost-bitten toes and FPF exploration. But I know you have suffered enough introspection, reflection, sadness and pathos in this blog lately…I know what you’re really after.

UPDATES AND OBSERVATIONS:

Update: I saw the hooker from the bus again the other morning. She was still working the red rabbit coat, but this time she had a posh purple evening gown on (and she missed the early bus).

Observation: If Dunkin Donuts has cookie batter and brownie batter filled donuts, why don’t they have brownies and cookies?

Observation: Why do pill (tablets) have line scored in them to break in half, and yet be impossible to snap in half?

Update: I bought a new pair of tweezers. This means I will find the other three, most likely by spearing my foot with at least one of them.

Update: Oreos now come in a lemon flavor. I am pleased.

That’s enough for now my friends, I am going to read for a while til I fall asleep. Whatever religious rituals or spiritual practices you partake of, send some mojo my way. I’ll try to pull off a photo essay of the day’s events. Since I am intellectually thwarted by instagram, check FB for fun-filled shots of the day unfolding, as long as my camera is not confiscated. G-rated, of course (if G means gore). And they better give me a ct-scan machine with stickers on it, or there will be hell to pay. Buh-bye lovelies.

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2 responses

  1. Anonymous

    Good luck today, good fluffy happy thoughts coming your way….. FPF!

    28 February 14 at 9:41 am

  2. Good luck.Observation:
    I so agree -Why do pill (tablets) have line scored in them to break in half, and yet be impossible to snap in half?

    1 March 14 at 4:32 am

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