welcome to the danger zone

Because the Only Certainty in Life is Change

As I begin to type, I am yet again reminded that I need a new laptop, but I digress.

I was really pissed off when I was on my way home today…I spent the afternoon being lied to, snarled at, and having what faith I have in humanity given a good smack down. I was ready to let FB bear my wrath – how I am sick of everyone and everything and just want to give the hell up…

and then…

The Gratitude Experiment challenged me to write a hundred experiences/things I am thankful for this past year. So I refocused, because I know being thankful really does help me snap out of funk. This is not to say that I am not still wallowing in a dark place this evening…and that I am not fearful of what my upcoming scans may show this week – I am just trying to be that positive person I try so hard to be. Tomorrow will be one year since I was formally diagnosed with Stage 3B endometrial cancer. I can’t lie and say it still doesn’t scare me. Because it does. I don’t want to be sick again. But again, I digress…

time to pony up to the positive and make my list. If you decide to make a list too…share with me please.

  1. My son – this young man frustrates me beyond belief, makes me cry regularly, confounds me, irritates me, aggravates me – but no one can make me laugh until I am breathless like he does. No one can surprise me with their profound statements like he does. No one can give me a hug like he does. AND I AM SO THANKFUL THAT HE BECAME PART OF MY LIFE.

  2. My job. On days like today when I hate it and want to quit and feel so overwhelmed that I want to cry, I am still grateful that I have it. Because there are days that make all this crap worth it, and I do make a difference now and again, even if I don’t feel like it.

  3. Friends – I know amazing people who do amazing things and their presence is a blessing in my life – from just listening to my crap to helping me out with charity work to feeding me when I am sick or doing sweet special things to cheer me up – THANK YOU. I try to pay it forward every time I can.

  4. My family. Some people might wonder why they aren’t higher. This list is in no particular order, except for one. My family is complicated, but I am grateful for them nonetheless.

  5. A car that runs. And runs well.

  6. Heat.

  7. The wonderful doctors and staff at Hershey Medical Center.

  8. The ability to write – it’s saved me from insanity and/or inpatient mental health treatment on more than one occasion. Words are a balm.

  9. Sun. It also keeps me out of a mental institution, although it burns my skin.

  10. Pineapple Juice – makes the tummy better.

  11. Curry. See above.

  12. Spring.

  13. Long drives.

  14. Loud music.

  15. Fast cars.

  16. Seeing some great sunrises.

  17. Ditto with sunsets.

  18. The Pacific Ocean – I know you are there…I haven’t seen you in a long time, but I’ve seen you crash against the shore a million times in my dreams. I’m coming home one day. I promise.

  19. Buddhism. Keeps me from committing felonies/murder.

  20. Pigs – for the obvious reason – pork.

  21. Storms. I like being reminded that nature will always be more powerful than humans.

  22. Music.

  23. OWTH – singing loudly to their last album kept me from dwelling on things on the rides back and forth to Hershey. And the fact that they took the time to reply to me when I told them that was pretty freaking special too.

  24. Facebook. Kept me connected and supported when I needed it.

  25. Having a home.

  26. Having food in my home.

  27. Having running water.

  28. Being able to make people laugh.

  29. Being able to laugh at myself.

  30. My DVR

  31. Sons of Anarchy

  32. My crafting ability.

  33. A great afternoon drive with my niece.

  34. Eating out with my son.

  35. Breakfast with my milt kids at Shady Maple.

  36. My milt kids.

  37. Mariah.

  38. My dear f-ing hummingbird.

  39. Jeanne – You can’t even know how much you and your family mean to me.

  40. Ditto for Lisa and Fran and their family.

  41. Being able to help others who are in worse circumstances than I am.

  42. Having friends who are willing to help me in my charitable endeavors.

  43. Laughter.

  44. Tears

  45. My President and wife…they inspire me.

  46. My crafting abilities.

  47. My artistic abilities.

  48. Intelligence.

  49. Air conditioning.

  50. This laptop, though it confounds me, it serves it’s purpose.

  51. Smartphones.

  52. Baby smiles.

  53. Birds singing.

  54. Toast.

  55. Lemurs

  56. Alpacas

  57. Chupacabras.

  58. My new Chupacabra survive the night game.

  59. Percocet

  60. Percocet (doubly thankful)

  61. Hot water.

  62. Swimming.

  63. Chinchillas.

  64. Good books and the love of reading.

  65. Colored pencils.

  66. Sharp scissors.

  67. Salads

  68. Christmas lights

  69. Prayer beads

  70. Reincarnation

  71. Dreams.

  72. Cake

  73. Pizza

  74. Pot Stickers

  75. Indian Food

  76. Thai Food

  77. Cherries

  78. Pineapple

  79. Blankets

  80. Fresh cut grass

  81. Hand sanitizer.

  82. Chocolate world.

  83. Puppies.

  84. Water. Clean water. Delicious clean spring water.

  85. Cemeteries. Yes, I love cemeteries. They are awesome amazing places to creep around and take pictures and find wonderful things.

  86. Memories

  87. Old Photographs.

  88. New baby smell.

  89. Sand under my feet.

  90. Waterfalls

  91. Thunderstorms.

  92. Tuesday.

  93. Meditation.

  94. Lattes.

  95. Road trips.

  96. Ice cream.

  97. Hearing the words – no evidence of disease.

  98. Foot rubs.

  99. Couches.

  100. Having 100 things to be thankful for.

  101. Having people actually read what I right.

  102. Being the person I am.

 Did you actually read the whole list…well then…103. I am thankful for that.

Okay, so I was going to keep going, but I have other things to do, and I met and exceeded my challenge. And I want to watch Nazi Gospels which I dvr’d last night. Thanks for dropping in to check this out. I am sure there will be more writing to come in the future. So Happy New Year’s Eve, my chica y chicos. May it bring you what you want, if not, then at least what you need. Blessings.

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One response

  1. Rose Holburn

    Thank you! Thank you for all that you write, it always makes my day a little brighter!

    1 January 13 at 11:19 am

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