Lessons From The C-Monster
The other day when Ashley was driving me home from the chemofuntasm, I told her that I didn’t have that moment you see on TV where a cancer diagnosis changes your whole outlook on life. Where the grass is greener, the birds are chirpier, the air is airier…you know, that it turns your world upside down. But today, sitting here farming and reading email and listening to a few months of downloaded music, I realized I won’t get that moment. That’s not what my cancer came to teach me. I finally know that. So here’s what I’ve learned:
- I am stronger than I’ve believed I was in a long time.
- I am amazingly resourceful when I need to be.
- I didn’t realize how many people care about me and are willing to help me out when I need it.
- A lot of stuff doesn’t matter. It never did.
- Whatever happens in the future, it’s all good. I’ll find a way.
- I can choose to be happy or miserable – while being miserable is easier, being happy makes other people happy, which in turn makes me happier. Being a miserable whiny bitch make people want to stay away.
- I am learning more about who I am, who I don’t want to be, and what needs to change to make me more like the person I can be.
- I like my bald head.
- I know what pure joy feels like. Whatever happens, whatever life throws at me, I know that there is really nothing to be afraid of…not even dying.
- No matter how bad things get for me, I am infinitely luckier than at least 50% of other people.
- Getting out of bed when I don’t really want to is often good for me.
- Life is all about perspective.
- You can’t be afraid to ask for help.
- It’s okay to be weak and whiny some days.
- Music can turn the whole day around.
- The world would be a better place if everyone wore animal hats.
- A good zebra hat is worth its weight in smiles.
- I have made a difference in this world. It might not be in the way I imagined or dreamed of…but I’ve created something positive, and it will ripple forever.
- I carry a lot of shame. I am learning to let it go.
- There’s good and beauty in everything…you just have to ferret it out.
- Pineapple juice is a gift.
- So is oatmeal. And english muffins.
- I have absolutely no control over the future, and I need to learn to give in let life take me where it needs to.
- I am blessed with so many wonderful people in my life.
- I am talented, funny, crafty, witty, loving, brilliant, and unique. I don’t tell myself that enough. We all need to remind ourselves of our good qualities more.
- I have really good taste in music. (your wondering, is there a c-monster playlist? OF COURSE THERE IS! You’ll just have to wait for a future entry)
I am sure the ol’ c-monster isn’t done with my education yet. I know I joke a lot about it, but this has been a profound and humbling experience, and has taught me so much about who I am, what I am capable, and what I need to make myself a better person and my world a happier place. And in the end, as difficult as it has been, I’m thankful for cancer, especially if it means it’s ultimately making me a better person.
The regularly scheduled hilarity can now resume.