welcome to the danger zone

some scars are on the inside.

today was a hard day. a REALLY hard day. I am sure other people have had more horrifying days than I had today, but this ugly day is mine and I am struggling to deal with the things I saw and heard. I look around me and I think how can anyone let these things happen. how can anyone be a parent and not want to make sure that you do everything possible to make sure your child doesn’t hurt? to put aside your inane and petty desires and make sure your child is safe, and secure and well? I know no one is perfect. I know I wasn’t a perfect parent, I know I screwed up on occasion. But if I knew my child was suffering, inside or out, I would move heaven and earth to take his pain away.
The hard part is what you see doesn’t go away. And sometimes, besides the pictures in your head, you have to document what you see. It gets seared on your brain. And I’m a fixer. I want to give you the tools to fix whatever’s wrong and I want you to use them. When you don’t, it’s maddening. It’s just been a tough week. Between the despicable attack on teachers in Wisconsin, and the failing American education system, and my career path, it’s shaking my faith in the human race as a whole. I mean I know there’s good, kind and wise people in the world. I just didn’t see a whole lot of that this week.And today was supposed to be a “day of peace” and I didn’t see that at all…
Don’t get me wrong, I knew what I would be up against when I took this job…but it is still shocking when the reality comes home. I am going to crawl into bed soon, put my headphones on and hope that a nice visualization before bed will black out the ugly. In fact, some retail therapy might just be what I need right now, I think a new meditation cd would be a nice boost for a week like this. so off I go to use my groupon coupon at Barnes and Noble…there’s that adult onset ADD setting in…what’s that….squirrel.
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