welcome to the danger zone

Don’t make me get all “Tiger Mom” on you…

I’ve been in a bit of snitzy the last few days…(for those of you who are aware of my propensity to make up my own vocabulary – snitzy = snit+tizzy or the combination of being a little irked and flustered all at once) maybe snitzy isn’t exactly where I am at, but I’ve been making a few observations lately, and I thought I’d share before I burst. For those of you who seek my wise counsel in these posts, I’m pretty sure you won’t be finding it here today. So without further delay…

1. Spies are far more engaging when they are European. The American version of “Nikita” lacks Michael’s sexy french accent, and Nikita’s exotic persona.

2. Vampires are way more sexy when they have English accents. Or any accent. Sparkly vampires are not sexy, nor will they ever be. Damon on “The Vampire Diaries” is still pretty hot however, but the vampires on True Blood are quite frankly much more viscerally pleasing. I believe this is why I found Spike much more appealing than Angel on Buffy. Tom Cruise sucked at being a vampire. No pun intended, because there was nothing funny about his role as Lestat.

3. Dr. Suess was a genius.

4. Peanut M&M’s need salt. They seem to be too sweet lately.

5. Since I am on a bit of a vampire theme, Queen of the Damned was a fabulous movie. Way underrated. Nevermind that it didn’t stay true to the book, or that the acting left something to be desired – it was visually stunning and evocative of whatmakes vampires vampirish. That said, true vampire savagery was best demostrated in 30 Days of Night. And really, if you think about it, those vampires had teeth that were clearly more suitable to tearing out throats than any others.

6. On a more serious note, I read today that there is a bill in congress that would distinguish rape as forcible rape/”plain old” rape…I didn’t read the whole bill, I merely read the bit that was taken out of context…which I must say was rather lazy of me, and I think that it had something to do with anti-choice legislation in that in order to get medical assistance for abortion you had to be “forcibly” raped as opposed to date rape or raped while drugged, or by a relative. My point here? Who on this planet thinks they have a right to distinguish one type of rape as more serious than another. Seriously? There are levels of rape? Is this all politicians have to do?

7. I am sick of the color pink. I wish we could get rid of valentine’s day. It’s an artificial holiday. No one gives real hearts on this made up holiday. They are all chocolate or candy. And really, I never want anyone to show me that they love me by presenting me with a teddy bear. Get me a real bear. or better yet, a red panda. they are cute as hell and have sharp teeth and claws. If you really love me, you’d be willing to shed some blood, if you are opposed to tearing out your own heart to give it to me. Give me a red panda.

8. Never sleep with a full grown python. I heard a really fun story the other day from a coworker who had a friend who let her python sleep with her. The python stopped eating. She took it to the vet. The vet said…how does the python sleep with you? She said it lies along side me, straightened out. The vet said…well that’s the problem…it stopped eating because it’s sizing you up to eat you. The snake had to be destroyed.

9. I find people who say “there is no global warming” because we have a tough winter really annoying. Hello, did you people not watch “The Day After”…global warming doesn’t just mean the earth’s average temperature is getting warmer, it also means that because the earth is getting warmer, weather patterns will get more erratic, and change. So when you wake up one morning and the northern hemisphere is covered in ice, say hello to the results of global warming.

10. Glenn Beck and Jack Van Impe. Why were they give the power of speech? and further, once hearing them speak, why are they given credibility? How can any sane and/or rational person listen to them and call their blather facts? I admit I occasionally watch them both, but only for comic content, and to help me get the references on the Daily Show.

Finally – and this might be a tad hypocritical because I’ve called some people out here – but what the hell is up with this constant babble in Schuylkill County about all these “illegals” – no human is illegal. Acts are illegal. It is poor use of the language to refer to someone as “illegal”. Now, I believe people should enter the country legally, but I am sick of hearing about how mexican immigrants are destroying life as we know it. People who breed indiscriminately while using drugs and alcohol, who are poorly educated through their own choices, and who don’t understand concepts like “personal responsibility’ “work ethic” “parenting” and “delayed gratification” are destroying future generations. I will expand on this at a later day…but for now, suffice it to say, too many people are quick to blame “the other” instead of looking closely at the choices they themselves are making.

Now I am off to see how much it would cost to rent a Yurt for a weekend this spring. I think I need to ditch the digital and refresh sometime soon.


One response

  1. First let me say that I love this post. It’s so Dianesque. On the matter of vampires I agree that Tom Cruise was horrible and I’ve never really gotten over it because Anne Rice’s vampires have always been and will always be my favorites. On the other hand, I also agree that Eric Northmen is so hot I totally melt every time he flickers across the screen.

    As for Dr. Seuss – today I learned that he was once an investor in a beer that was brewed in my home state of RI – Narragansett beer. Trivia for the masses.

    I ate a bunch of peanut M & M’s today and found them to be very satisfying, so I don’t know about the salt, but I’ve never much been into Valentine’s day. On the other hand the god Hermes and the other one- Eros have been favorites for some time.

    The rape thing is beyond ridiculous and who would really sleep with a python? But I do sleep with two dogs that each weigh 125 lbs. and a husband that weighs…well…I’ll skip that.

    Do you need to continue to mention Jack Van Impe? It’s disturbing. It brings me back to my childhood in ways that keep me up at night! And Glenn Beck – well – good to know what he’s saying so that I can have fun debates with my Republican friends. Yes, I said friends.
    Be well!

    1 February 11 at 7:56 pm

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