welcome to the danger zone

Picking the Title is the hardest part…

When I sit down to bloggity blog, I often have an idea about what I am going to at least start writing about. Naturally, unless I have been focused on a topic, or fired up about something I don’t usually keep writing about it for long. Tonight’s topic of the moment is Blog Titles and why I have suddenly found it important, or should I say, curious, to give my blog an intriguing title. Like tonight, I couldn’t decide between “When the Lion Kills a Zebra, the Pride Eats Zebra” inspired by my second favorite TV show “The Middle” or “Apocalypse When?” based on the recent unexplained deaths of of massive numbers of birds and fish across the globe…but as you can see, I went with the obvious choice. Not exactly inspiring, but rather descriptive.

So I think that I shall share my insights about The Middle. Most people rave about Modern Family, blah blah blah. Yeah, Modern Family is a great show, but it’s full of characters that are really conglomerations. The characters have idiosyncrasies but they are white washed. They don’t have harsh edges, and while the writing is amazing, their stories are largely the trials of idealized families. The Middle on the other hand is a show about the strange neighbors, or our own odd ball children who are just shy of being the cheerleader, or making the team, or have weird little peculiarities that trouble us just a little. How can you not love Brick, who repeats whispery phrases to himself after he said the same thing aloud. Or the parental characters who are more like us that we care to admit. I can identify with that. Plus tonight I realized that The Middle is aired on Wednesday night, the MIDDLE day of the week! Coincidence? I think not! The Middle is just like Tuesday. Underrated. Maybe it should move to Tuesday night?

SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT SHOULD MOVE…What in dog’s name is this dance show “Live to Dance”? I watched 30 seconds the other night, and I must say, it rivals only the Jersey Shore in stupidity. And no doubt, like American Idol, it will be come the kool-aid of the mediocre masses who will slouch glassy eyed in front of their flat screens, huffing cheetos, and another no-talent media machine will plow through our lives, infecting otherwise reasonable humans everywhere. Where should it move? Off TV and into prisons. You want to reform people? Force them to watch back to back episodes of that mindless desperation, followed by America’s Funniest Videos and then Jersey Shore. That will force criminals to do one of the following: a. go straight and never offend again. b. pluck out their eyes in desperation c. create a prison dance off.

Now that I have summed up my TV viewing experience for tonight, I just have one more thing to say… well actually several…first being, why when people get their noses done do they end up with noses that resemble pig snouts? How can you look in the mirror and see your nose reconstructed and say…oooh I think this will be great for rooting out truffles! Really, the most perfect example of this…Michael Jackson, and most recently, Melissa London. Why not just go the full Miss Piggy? This week look at the piggy noses around you, and trust me, 99% are noses that have been “done.” Second, well, now I can’t remember what it was, but I am sure it was very important. Thirdly, why aren’t you telling people to subscribe to my blog…I mean seriously, dead birds are falling en masse from the sky, and I hardly have any subscribers. What if I reveal why? or predict future events? How will your friends know if you skip a day of this compelling knowledge I spew across the page. You know what my new ambition is…to have a day when I am trending on twitter.

Finally, if a ouija board is a portal to a hell dimension (and despite the fact that I don’t believe in a devil per se) why do they keep making and selling them? I mean, don’t you think that after seeing ghost hunters investigating hauntings clearly precipitated by the use of said ouija board, don’t you think they should ban them….I mean aren’t they clearly more demonic than toys that lead children to eat happy meals? I myself fear them. More than a McDonald’s Shrek glass. I’m just sayin’


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